FUBAR

Well it's not yet official, but it may as well be.

If you're an incumbent in one of the new roles in my org (your current job maps more than 50% to a role in the new org), you would be notified today/tomorrow. Several managers I know of have already told their teams those that are incumbents. And most are.

My manager told one person in my team, or maybe more but only one person has fessed up to it. Tomorrow begins the process of also letting the rest know if they either have a job offer from one of the new jobs that were posted, or whether they are laid off.

Since my manager has told at least one person she's an incumbent, and I had an IM chat with her at 4:45 this afternoon giving her ample opportunity to let me out of my misery, I can only guess that I'm let go. I applied to 6 postings equaling 26 actual new jobs. I didn't get one interview. Considering they went about this all wrong and over 100 people applied for each job, and my app may be low on the list and never looked at (who knows) or maybe my resume sucked (though it was professionally done... I don't think so), or my skills sucked (which I don't believe for a minute), I'm not holding out much hope. There is a small chance that when everything shakes out there will be some new vacancies for which I can apply and hope to get an interview for, but it's unlikely.

I cried all evening.

While I thought I was prepared for the worst, I guess deep down I thought I'd be ok.

My manager told me we'd all know where we stood by end of day Thursday.

I'm so sad. I love my job so much, and my team as well, but there's a good chance that most of us are toast, or shoved into new roles we hate.

One colleague who also doesn't yet know his fate noted that he's not sure he wants to be here anyway, working for an org that would do this to their employees (5 weeks of waiting and this crap), and in the end 20% reduction in staff, again entire teams wiped out, so whoever is left it's going to be hell for.

My sister keeps trying to cheer me up. I realized tonight while walking around the grocery store with tears streaming down my face that she's never lost a job. Since I graduated from university, every transition I made was due to a layoff. It sucks. It's done a number on my self-esteem. I am devastated.

Steve doesn't know what to do with himself. He's being supportive, trying to cheer me up, but I can't speak about it. I'm so stressed, all I can focus on is trying to find a new job now.

A miracle may yet happen, but it's very, very unlikely.

Had to get this out. Going back to curl into a ball again.